November 3, 2008
President George W. Bush Endorses Barack Obama For President
Says He Was Always In The Tank For The Illinois Senator.
Washington DC - In perhaps the most surprising move in what has been an unpredictable campaign season, president George W. Bush called a press conference early Monday to announce that he will be supporting the Democratic nominee Barack Obama for president. President Bush joins a long list of Republicans who have endorsed the Democrat, but his endorsement was probably the least expected. No American president in recent history, if at all, has ever crossed party lines to endorse the candidate of the opposing party to succeed them. As the news reverberated around the country there was initial shock followed by disbelief. Even the Obama campaign at first thought it was a joke before issuing a statement saying they did not appreciate the late Bush endorsement. “This is a last minute ploy by the president to help get his friend John McCain elected,” the campaign said. On the other hand, the McCain campaign was quick to say that “the Bush endorsement shows Senator Obama will continue the disastrous polices of George Bush.”
In a Rose Garden press conference Bush looked relieved, jubilant and even eager to answer questions. Behind him stood a beaming vice president Dick Cheney in what one reporter called “the only documented instance of a smiling Cheney.” Bush opened the press conference by announcing to the world that for a long time the only purpose of his presidency has been to make the election of the first African American president possible. “Let us be all honest, I don’t care what you think about Senator Barack Obama, yeah he is inspirational, gives a good speech and all that, but do you really believe it was going to be that easy to elect him? No way!” Bush said, “I have single handedly done more to make sure Barack Obama becomes President of the United States. It will be an historic moment for our country and I believe that Obama will lead us in better direction than the last eight years has been.” Asked if it was possible that anyone else has done for Obama what he has done, Bush paused for a few minutes and said, “may be the guy upstairs!”
Bush also apologized to the Republican party for not letting them know about his plan. “I appreciate the love and support from the Republican party over the years especially the prayers from many Americans. Those millions of prayers are what kept Laura and I from going crazy with having to keep such a secret over the years,” Bush said before opening the floor to questions.
Historians, while still absorbing the shocking news, said they would have to reassess their judgment of the Bush presidency in light of this new information. Kevin Philips, a former GOP strategist and of late Bush critic said, “All this time we thought he was the worst president ever, the joke might be on us. If what he is saying is true, he will be remembered as one of the best presidents America ever had.” Phillips said. “So few presidents would be so willing to sacrifice their legacy the way Bush has done.”
But perhaps, Ty Williams, a seventy year old retired auto-industry worker from Detroit said best what was on the minds of many Americans, “This is too much information to digest, I don’t know what to think, if it is true then I guess Bush should be commended, but I am wondering if the price was worth it - the money and lives in Iraq, the destruction of our economy, our standing in the world.” Williams added, “I think Bush should have had more faith in the wisdom of the American people, things did not have to be this bad for America to elect the first minority president, I want to believe we could have still done so without the kind of eight years we have had.”
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Transcript of the Press Conference as released by the White House
Question: President Bill Clinton recently said that Hillary Clinton has done more for the Barack Obama campaign than anyone else appearing more than fifty times to campaign for the Democratic candidate?
Bush: No one has done more to help Obama than I have - not even Barack Obama himself. From the first day I got into office, it was to create the conditions that would make it possible to elect anyone - a woman, African American, Hispanic. I mean, we tell our little daughters anyone can grow up to be president. You know what? I wanted to see that reality in my life time. So yes, I have been the biggest supporter of Obama. Everyday I am in office, I am campaigning for Obama!
Question: Why did you feel the need to help Senator Obama? He has ran what most people would call a perfect campaign and shattered all previous fundraising records?
Bush: Look! Not to take anything away from this guy Baracki Obama - he is smart, good looking, clean, articulate and yes I said it, articulate! The point is for all his smarts, there is no way he would be where he is today if I had not done so much to ruin this country the way I have done.
Question: For many years, a lot of people have mocked you for being dumb or incompetent, why did you put up with it?
Bush: Well, you know I have never been a dumb or an incompetable president. No one can be that dumb, all the things I did were strategic decisions to create the environment that would usher in an Obama presidency - Hurricane Katrina, the Iraq war, Terri Schiavo, Alberto Gonzales, the economic downturn, etc. Some of the criticism, the late night jokes, Saturday Night Live skits, I admit really hurt. But at the end of each night, I knew that at end of all these, the country will be better when Obama becomes president.
Question: So was the Iraq war part of your plan too?
Bush: No, absolutely not. I just really thought that Saddam had weapons of Mass Destruction and that he tried to kill my pop. Iraq had no connection to September 11, but it was important that we have a war that costs a lot of money but makes no sense. I mean a lot of people in my cabinet had serious doubts about if we were going too far on the war thing, people like Colin Powell. But now, I think everyone concedes the Iraq war has helped Obama the most. The other day, I even saw the former Secretary of State finally come aboard and support Obama.
Question: When did you know it would be Obama?
Answer: Hey, I could say I was for Obama even before I met him but I think the one moment that we knew it was going to be him was at that July 2004 Democratic campaign, when he gave the keynote speech. I told Cheney, this is going to be our guy! I remember joking that if John Kerry was half as good as Obama we weren’t going to win this thing.
Question: Has Dick Cheney always been in on this?
Bush: From the beginning when I asked him to select my vice president. I told him, ‘Dick, I want someone who can help me run down this country.’ We looked around for a while then one day Cheney told me he thought it was a job he could do well. By all accounts I think we would agree he has been exactly what we needed.
Question: The incident in which the Vice President shot someone, was that part of the plan?
Bush: No that was just Dick being Dick!
Question: What do you think your lasting legacy will be?
Bush: You know Wolf, that is easy! Years from now no one will remember Iraq, Katrina, Gonzales, etc but everyone will always remember me as the guy who single-handedly elected the first African-American president. Another guy named George, you know George Washington would be proud of what I have done for the country. Look, I love America, but I don’t believe conservative philosophy works anymore. In fact some might argue, it has never worked before. The focus on abortion and gay marriage may have gotten me elected twice, but what has that done for the country? You are right, I sucked at the being president thing - the world hates us now, the economy is literally down the toilet, we are fighting two wars that you all know about, but guess what it gives this country a chance to chart a new course. I believe America’s best days are ahead of us. Obama is the best candidate to lead this country in that new direction. When the history books are written, you can’t write about Obama without writing about me and what I did for him.
Question: If you believed America needed a new direction, why didn’t you do it yourself?
Bush: You know Charlie, I could have tried to do that but I don’t think Americans would have appreciated it. Under President Clinton, we had eight years of economic growth and prosperity, heck they left us about $250 billion in surpluses, did the American people appreciate it? No. You can’t really appreciate something until you have lost it or come close to losing it. Americans should cherish the little things we take for granted - our place in the world, our economy, our freedoms and security. After the last eight years, I have a feeling they will.
Question: Was there a time when you thought your plan might not work?
Bush: Yeah, earlier in our administration we were very worried about John McCain. He gave me a tough time in the New Hampshire primaries in 2000 but we thought it was over after that. Instead, he just became a bigger celebrity and darling with the media establishment. He fought against me a lot until the 2004 elections when all of a sudden out of nowhere he became my most enthusiastic supporter. I remember telling Cheney back then this guy has no idea he just screwed up his chances in 2008. But you got to give it to that McCain, he’s a fighter!
Question: Do you think your plan could backfire? What if the nation feels the times are too dangerous and don’t want to elect someone new? The McCain and Palin campaign have been calling Obama a socialist that will raise taxes and distribute the wealth?
Bush: I can see that, but I think it would actually be counterproductive to elect someone who is likely to conitnue the same disastrous policies that we have executed so well. You want to call him a socialist? Well what is more socialist than us spending $1 trillion dollars of taxpayer money to bailout the banks? Obama is going to raise your taxes? Really, after years of giving tax cuts to the very rich, what American believes Republicans are better handling taxes? On national security, the botched war in Iraq remains a masterpiece in my secret plot to elect Obama. You don’t hear about Republicans using the national security argument that much, do you? My main objective coming into this presidency was to make it so hard for the same Republican arguments to stick on Obama. On that, I think it is very safe to say, “Mission Accomplished!”
***
Transcript of the Press Conference as released by the White House
Question: President Bill Clinton recently said that Hillary Clinton has done more for the Barack Obama campaign than anyone else appearing more than fifty times to campaign for the Democratic candidate?
Bush: No one has done more to help Obama than I have - not even Barack Obama himself. From the first day I got into office, it was to create the conditions that would make it possible to elect anyone - a woman, African American, Hispanic. I mean, we tell our little daughters anyone can grow up to be president. You know what? I wanted to see that reality in my life time. So yes, I have been the biggest supporter of Obama. Everyday I am in office, I am campaigning for Obama!
Question: Why did you feel the need to help Senator Obama? He has ran what most people would call a perfect campaign and shattered all previous fundraising records?
Bush: Look! Not to take anything away from this guy Baracki Obama - he is smart, good looking, clean, articulate and yes I said it, articulate! The point is for all his smarts, there is no way he would be where he is today if I had not done so much to ruin this country the way I have done.
Question: For many years, a lot of people have mocked you for being dumb or incompetent, why did you put up with it?
Bush: Well, you know I have never been a dumb or an incompetable president. No one can be that dumb, all the things I did were strategic decisions to create the environment that would usher in an Obama presidency - Hurricane Katrina, the Iraq war, Terri Schiavo, Alberto Gonzales, the economic downturn, etc. Some of the criticism, the late night jokes, Saturday Night Live skits, I admit really hurt. But at the end of each night, I knew that at end of all these, the country will be better when Obama becomes president.
Question: So was the Iraq war part of your plan too?
Bush: No, absolutely not. I just really thought that Saddam had weapons of Mass Destruction and that he tried to kill my pop. Iraq had no connection to September 11, but it was important that we have a war that costs a lot of money but makes no sense. I mean a lot of people in my cabinet had serious doubts about if we were going too far on the war thing, people like Colin Powell. But now, I think everyone concedes the Iraq war has helped Obama the most. The other day, I even saw the former Secretary of State finally come aboard and support Obama.
Question: When did you know it would be Obama?
Answer: Hey, I could say I was for Obama even before I met him but I think the one moment that we knew it was going to be him was at that July 2004 Democratic campaign, when he gave the keynote speech. I told Cheney, this is going to be our guy! I remember joking that if John Kerry was half as good as Obama we weren’t going to win this thing.
Question: Has Dick Cheney always been in on this?
Bush: From the beginning when I asked him to select my vice president. I told him, ‘Dick, I want someone who can help me run down this country.’ We looked around for a while then one day Cheney told me he thought it was a job he could do well. By all accounts I think we would agree he has been exactly what we needed.
Question: The incident in which the Vice President shot someone, was that part of the plan?
Bush: No that was just Dick being Dick!
Question: What do you think your lasting legacy will be?
Bush: You know Wolf, that is easy! Years from now no one will remember Iraq, Katrina, Gonzales, etc but everyone will always remember me as the guy who single-handedly elected the first African-American president. Another guy named George, you know George Washington would be proud of what I have done for the country. Look, I love America, but I don’t believe conservative philosophy works anymore. In fact some might argue, it has never worked before. The focus on abortion and gay marriage may have gotten me elected twice, but what has that done for the country? You are right, I sucked at the being president thing - the world hates us now, the economy is literally down the toilet, we are fighting two wars that you all know about, but guess what it gives this country a chance to chart a new course. I believe America’s best days are ahead of us. Obama is the best candidate to lead this country in that new direction. When the history books are written, you can’t write about Obama without writing about me and what I did for him.
Question: If you believed America needed a new direction, why didn’t you do it yourself?
Bush: You know Charlie, I could have tried to do that but I don’t think Americans would have appreciated it. Under President Clinton, we had eight years of economic growth and prosperity, heck they left us about $250 billion in surpluses, did the American people appreciate it? No. You can’t really appreciate something until you have lost it or come close to losing it. Americans should cherish the little things we take for granted - our place in the world, our economy, our freedoms and security. After the last eight years, I have a feeling they will.
Question: Was there a time when you thought your plan might not work?
Bush: Yeah, earlier in our administration we were very worried about John McCain. He gave me a tough time in the New Hampshire primaries in 2000 but we thought it was over after that. Instead, he just became a bigger celebrity and darling with the media establishment. He fought against me a lot until the 2004 elections when all of a sudden out of nowhere he became my most enthusiastic supporter. I remember telling Cheney back then this guy has no idea he just screwed up his chances in 2008. But you got to give it to that McCain, he’s a fighter!
Question: Do you think your plan could backfire? What if the nation feels the times are too dangerous and don’t want to elect someone new? The McCain and Palin campaign have been calling Obama a socialist that will raise taxes and distribute the wealth?
Bush: I can see that, but I think it would actually be counterproductive to elect someone who is likely to conitnue the same disastrous policies that we have executed so well. You want to call him a socialist? Well what is more socialist than us spending $1 trillion dollars of taxpayer money to bailout the banks? Obama is going to raise your taxes? Really, after years of giving tax cuts to the very rich, what American believes Republicans are better handling taxes? On national security, the botched war in Iraq remains a masterpiece in my secret plot to elect Obama. You don’t hear about Republicans using the national security argument that much, do you? My main objective coming into this presidency was to make it so hard for the same Republican arguments to stick on Obama. On that, I think it is very safe to say, “Mission Accomplished!”
***
